This past week I was lucky enough to show at WEC, in the national derby and adult hunters as per usual. Thursday morning I loaded Fadalka and drove very (very) slowly to Ocala. I’ve been doing this whole truck and trailer thing for a few months now and it’s wonderful, but i’d be lying to say I don’t put 1000 lbs of pressure on myself every time I close the tack room door on Fadalka. My greatest responsibility, the joy of my life, whose life is in my hands on I75. I never thought I’d drive a truck, or own a trailer, or even ride horses past the age of 18. It is amazing to feel independent when it comes to horses. The responsibility is overwhelming, but realizing that you finally know enough-(there’s always more to learn)- to function on your own (if you ever had to) with horses, is endearing. I love that I look back and ponder that something so out of reach to me, that I never thought i’d have or do, is in my grasp. It feels like second nature to me now.

We spent Thursday setting up and schooling, and preparing for Friday morning. Derby day! I’ve come so far with my show nerves, but jumping the derby always still brings out my jitters. I love saying this, and not saying that I was terrified. I’ve never been afraid to admit when i’m terrified, which used to be a lot. These days, my show morning routine is a little bit methodical…

7am- coffee, morning chores, lunge to stretch our legs, walk around in the ring before it opens.

8am- Bathe Fadalka, walk course. Listen to I feel love by Donna Summers. Put tack on Fadalka, head up to the ring.

Usually I show around 9, but this past weekend the derbies were split and the JR/AM derby didn’t go til around 11… which means I needed to eat breakfast before I showed. Usually I put this off til i’m done.

9am- Go to Emma’s. Pick the best pastry I see. Eat all of it. I call this my derby breakfast.

10am- Nervous

11am- Show (finally). Jump all the jumps.

12pm- Get mad that I didn’t jump any of the high options, because I said I would and then didn’t. Give Fadalka 10000 treats. Pat myself on the back.

All jokes aside, I do always abandon my plan as soon as I trot past the judge. Why is that? I always feel confident in my plan! The high options are on the easier track, and I know i’m capable. The mental block is still there, whether I feel terrified or just a little nervous in a healthy way.

That’s something I’m learning to appreciate. Progress doesn’t always look like suddenly becoming fearless, sometimes progress looks like doing the thing while still feeling nervous. Sometimes it looks like walking into the ring, making mistakes, learning, and coming back again the next week. There is always another level. There is always something to improve. There is always another thing to learn about your horse, about yourself, and about the partnership between the two.

Maybe I’m just an amateur with an amazing horse who’s riding is not always the most competitive. Maybe I still have a lot to learn. Maybe I’ll keep walking into the ring with a plan and then changing my mind at the last second.

But that’s what its all about…. and whatever amazing treat you find for your derby breakfast.