This past weekend, I jumped my first national derby with Fadalka. Not because I haven’t been able to until now, but because I was afraid.

Why? I’m not quite sure.

She’s done it a gazillion times and has never batted an eyelash at any of the scariest jumps there is. My fear likely stems to being afraid of those jumps myself and then inflicting that on her.

But what I realized recently was that it’s simply not that deep. I jumped the adults for the first time at a rated show in February and did great- but there was a jump or two I definitely missed to. And we made it over anyway! Shocker! It was no big deal- Realizing that just because I miss doesn’t mean I’m going to flip my horse was a game changer. To be clear- I know I’m not an Olympic rider. I have no desire to even jump big. It’s just not in my blood! and that’s ok too.

I did the jumpers with Fadalka at the 3ft height but for some reason, the adults seemed so intimidating, not to mention at the WEC where every hunter fence has a national forest underneath it. I was randomly selected at the top of the order, not kidding, 1st out of 19. I was up warming up and things got chaotic, everyone was going right at 9 am and I was able to get pushed down due to ring conflict. But I kind of think I would’ve done better if I just went first. The flashy jumps and decor had nothing on Fadalka and I that beautiful morning. We ended up making top 12 and getting to handy as well. We ended up 9th! I laid down a confident round, focusing on one jump at a time and riding my absolute best. It worked.

There’s something impactful about seeing other people genuinely so proud of you. My whole barn family was on the sidelines and as soon as I jumped the last jump, I could hear each and every one of them and their distinct cheers and voices yelling in celebration. I will never forget that sound. And the love afterwards… I think every single person from my barn hugged me that day. It’s days like this I remember why I do this sport.